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Our Children Are Scared: How To Help Them Cope With School Shooting Coverage

As more mass shootings are appearing on our news feed, it almost feels like we are growing immune to the death tolls that are announced. But our children are quietly following the news coverage and may be hiding their own terror about what might happen to them.


The morning my daughter texted me from school telling me that her social media account was buzzing with word that there was an active shooter in the high school in the next town over, I immediately went down a crazy rabbit hole of fear. I mean crazy. Like my-daughter-is-nowhere-near-the-supposed-attack-and-I-want-her-under-a-desk-right-now-while-a-SWAT-team-enters-her-classroom-and-escorts-her-out-of-the-building kind of crazy. 


I admit this to you despite the fact that I am an educator who has not only spent decades being trained in what to do in the event of a school shooter - I have spent enough time with teenagers to know that just because something is happening on Snapchat doesn't mean it's real.


None of that mattered. Everything I knew went out the window that day. 


Luckily, my daughter's intel turned out to be false. But the experience was a reminder that no matter how much we hold ourselves together, the recent rash of school shootings has rattled us. What we need to remember is that it has rattled a collective "us." Our children are just as afraid as we are. Maybe even more.


It's hard to believe there was a time when this wasn't the case, but not that long ago nobody was really thinking about school shootings. Parents put their children on the school bus in the morning and had the reasonable expectation that they would return in the afternoon alive.


That expectation of safety began to change on April 20, 1999 when two students walked into Columbine High School, in Colorado, and killed 12 classmates and 1 teacher. At the time, it was the deadliest school shooting in American history. Unfortunately, over the decades that have followed, more massacres have popped up with recurring frequency. Sandy Hook...Parkland...and most recently, Uvalde....have all become household names because children were murdered there. 


I have spent over 20 years in education. I have lived through countless lock down drills and listened to the fear of staff and students after a school shooting is announced on the news. I have watched since 1999, as whatever sense of safety we felt slowly vanished and I can tell you that our children are just as anxious as we are.


How can you help your child cope with these horrific events when you are having a hard time coping yourself? Here are 4 key tips to support your child's mental health following news of a school shooting. 


1. Keep Them Away From the News

Do everything in your power to keep your child from experiencing the shooting through victim accounts. A mass shooting can bring with it weeks of media coverage played over and over again on a continuous loop. Survivors will re-live their trauma for millions to watch and television and social media outlets will paint the gruesome pictures in as many ways as possible to increase viewership.


Kids get mad when they don't have access to their phones or TV, but right now it is more important to keep them from observing the trauma.


2. Remind Your Child That Their School Is Working To Keep Them Safe

Remind your child that their school does have safety measures in place and that everyone is trained in what to do in case of an emergency. Your child's school may have stop gaps like locked doors, bullet proof glass and maybe even metal detectors. It is likely that they also have plans in place if an active shooter does get into the building. If you don't know what these are, call the school principal and find out.


3. Censor Your Own Fears 

This is a situation where you must practice what you preach. If you are keeping your child away from the news you cannot be sitting on the couch scrolling through your phone. Don't have conversations within earshot of your child about what happened or how you feel about it. However you may be dealing with your own trauma surrounding the tragic events, it is important that your child doesn't pick up on this. If you are struggling, seek out your own help and support.


4. Listen

When children bring up things that make adults uncomfortable, there is often a tendency to end the conversation. Nobody wants their child to feel scared and nobody wants to think about their child being in a school shooting. Dismissing the conversation is a way to make YOU feel better. But ending the dialogue does nothing to end the thoughts that are racing in your child's head.


Children are not easily fooled. Don't tell them there is nothing to worry about when there is clearly something to worry about. Don't tell them nothing bad will ever happen in their school when they are hearing about bad things happening in other schools. 


Acknowledge that their fears are real, while reminding them that the chance of something happening in their school is extremely small. Find out what worries them the most and ask them what would help them feel safer. 


Our New Reality

The reality is that as long as school shootings keep happening, there is no way to eliminate the low level buzz of anxiety that we all feel after an incident. Unfortunately, the most recent school shooting will probably not be the last. But there are actions we can take to reduce the trauma that our children experience if and when it happens. 


If you are having a hard time supporting your child through their anxiety because of your own mental health struggles, there is help available. The best way to help your child is to help yourself. The following are agencies that will guide you to help in your area:


Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - Dial 988

SAMHSA National Helpline - (800) 662-HELP (4357)

NAMI Helpline - (800) 950 - 6264






You've got this!


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