Recent Posts by Deirdre Mastandrea, M.S.W, M.EdL en-us 40 2023-03-18 23:12:59 UTC https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/9b1a61ab-0cb5-45f8-bf29-236e8836b450 https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/9b1a61ab-0cb5-45f8-bf29-236e8836b450 As a new mom, nobody told me that one day soon I would be spending much of my day calming temper tantrums. My first experience was as I sat across the table from my son at a quaint little local coffee shop. Just shy of 18 months, we had spent many an early morning in there together. I was used to him smiling and laughing and eating pieces of my muffin while customers admired him. Toddler tantrum? Not my guy. Until it was my guy and the tantrum was all his - and mine to deal with. From what seemed like nowhere, he went stiff and screamed at the top of his lungs because he wanted to throw the muffin that just yesterday he had devoured happily. I walked in a composed woman that day, and walked out a ragged mess with no idea on how to calm temper tantrums. Why Do Toddlers Tantrum? A toddler tantrum is actually a sign that your child is developing just as he should. In fact, Erik Erikson, a famous psychologist who pioneered theories of development, actually named the stage from 18 months to 3 years as “autonomy vs. shame and doubt.” What does that mean in less fancy lingo? Toddlers are supposed to fight for independence and we are supposed to make sure we get them through with their self-worth intact. (No pressure!) The key is in calming tantrums effectively. Although it is reassuring that your toddler’s meltdown actually means he’s normal, what can be done in the middle of it? Here are five toddler tantrum strategies that will begin teaching your little one that they do have a voice but that they need to use it differently. Show No Emotion This is definitely one of the hardest things to do as a parent, but by far the most effective parenting strategy when dealing with negative behavior. Do not give your toddler any clue that you are being affected by his behavior. Show no anger. Show no stress. Keep your voice at a level tone when you attempt to intervene. A toddler tantrum is an attempt to control you and if you show your cards then you give him just what he wants. Calming temper tantrums in this way is a lot harder if you are in a public place. In those situations, you may have to physically remove your child. That’s OK. Just ignore the prying eyes, pick him up and walk out very calmly. Redirect As a parent of a toddler, you are well aware that their attention span is fleeting. All things are just as equally important as unimportant. This is why they will scream with the same ferocity over eating dinner or wanting to wear a certain pair of socks. While their single-minded determination can be daunting, it can also be used to your advantage. When all else fails, a great temper tantrum strategy is to redirect. If he is tantruming about a book, quietly walk away and take out crayons and paper and start coloring yourself. It will take a few minutes but there is a very good chance he will eventually get up and join you. The day of the muffin incident, I inadvertantly distracted my son by leaving the coffee shop. A few minutes in the car and he was talking about the squirrel he saw scurrying by. It was as though the muffin had never existed. Acknowledge Their Feelings Throughout all the trials and tribulations of coping with a toddler tantrum, do not underestimate or minimize how upset your toddler is. Although we adults can look at their emotional outburts as silly, to them, each tantrum is a battle of monumental importance. When trying to calm a temper tantrum, do not ever mock or laugh at your toddler for being upset. Instead, let them watch you have a more appropriate response to a negative emotion. Say things like, “I know it makes you so sad to not have the snack you wanted. When I don’t get things I want I feel sad too.” Children learn how to soothe themselves by mirroring the adults around them. Acknowledging does not mean coddling or giving too much attention to a tantrum. It simply means letting your child know that you see them and what they are feeling. If you want them to learn how to handle their emotions better, you have to teach them how to do that. Change Locations Everything is not always as it seems. A toddler tantrum is not always about the muffin. It may be about your toddler being exhausted. It could be about your toddler being bored. Before calming a temper tantrum you need to assess the situation. Your toddler might be sick of being in the kitchen watching you straighten up. Rather than acknowledging the tantrum, going for a walk could do the trick. Or try snuggling and reading a book if you think they are tired. In the case of the muffin: in hindsight I now see that we had been in that coffee shop for quite a while by the time he started his tanrum. When we got home, we played some games outside and he was back to being my perfect angel (for at least a couple fo hours). Walk Away (Safely) Sometimes these toddler tantrum strategies just don’t work because your child is too far gone to be brought back quickly. I’ll be honest - there will be days where your toddler is so amped up that everything you try will simply make him more angry. If you are lucky, that moment will not happen in a public place. On these days, the best way to calm a temper tanrum is to safely walk away for a minute. Make sure they are in a location where they cannot hurt themselves and make sure you can keep a side-angled eye on them. Take a few steps, take a few deep breaths and remain calm. It will give you a few seconds to compose yourself (because anyone with a toddler boy knows that staying composed can be a challenge). As your energy shifts, so will his. If nothing else, it will get you ready for round two! 2023-01-10 15:41:16 UTC https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/b56526b8-ec6e-4ffd-97e8-703055dbb870 https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/b56526b8-ec6e-4ffd-97e8-703055dbb870 The residual trauma of a pandemic, combined with the everyday craziness of raising kids, can leave parents feeling depleted and frantic. Meditation is a great way to silence the mind and center yourself - and it really can be done in a crazy household. 2022-07-12 21:25:19 UTC https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000066036 https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000066036 When a child is born with a cognitive disability, all of the attention of parents and educators goes to improving their academic and physical potential. But there is a runaway train that starts with puberty that everyone pretends isn't barreling down the tracks. Sexual development is the same for all human beings and children with special needs deserve the same guidance and expectations as every other child. 2022-07-12 21:13:46 UTC https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000065451 https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000065451 As more mass shootings are appearing on our news feed, it almost feels like we are growing immune to the death tolls that are announced. But our children are quietly following the news coverage and may be hiding their own terror about what might happen to them. 2022-07-12 21:10:06 UTC https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000065967 https://774c4fa607504c408b12.writing.io/posts/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000065967